Woman Endangers Entire Plane

A woman flying from Tallahassee, FL to Dallas, TX was escorted off of the plane by police on Thursday afternoon after she refused to turn off her electronic devices while on the plane. Witnesses say the lady took her iPad out as soon as she got on the plane and sat down. Once the aircraft was fully loaded, the flight attendants came around and made sure everyone's seat belt was tightly fastened and that no electronics were in use. When they reached the lady with the iPad, she put it away long enough for the attendant to walk away and then immediately put it back on her lap. Passengers around her were shocked. "I just kept thinking, 'Is she trying to kill us?!' Everyone knows what happens when electronics are turned on during takeoff. Has she not heard?!" said Ashley Thompson, a passenger on the flight. As the plane taxied to the runway the woman continued to play a game on her iPad, blatantly endangering every single person on the plane. Silenced by fear, every passenger looked on as the woman kept her iPad out during takeoff. Everyone onboard braced for a crash as the plane moved faster and faster along the strip of asphalt. Men, women, and children alike were crying and screaming to each other, saying their goodbyes as they lived their final moments. Suddenly there was a lurch and the plane lifted into the air as gracefully as an obese butterfly. Everyone onboard fell silent and turned their gaze to the woman still enjoying her iPad game. Rumors began to spread around the plane that she was a magical terrorist from the future; there was no other explanation for how the plane survived takeoff while an iPad was in use. During the flight, a flight attendant was notified by a passenger that the lady was a terrorist and that the police should be called. The attendant ran to tell the captain who decided to land in Dallas since it was closer than Tallahassee. When the plane touched down and came to a stop, ten police officers stormed on and forcibly removed the woman who did not resist. "It's on airplane mode! Airplane mode!" she screamed as she was carried away. A collective sigh of relief was exhausted by the passengers as they realized they had just survived a flight with a reckless terrorist onboard. 

Photo Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/17/russia-plane-crash-tatarstan_n_4292139.html

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Lay's Promotes Cannibalism

Most of you have probably seen the Lay's potato chip ad that depicts Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head eating chips. Mr. Potato Head catches his lovely tuber of a wife chowing down on fried slices of their family and friends. He then joins her in eating his fellow veggies after they form a pact to keep their sick snack a secret. This cannibalistic activity has inspired many Americans to follow the example set by the Potato Heads. Police have been receiving reports of disappearances and kidnappings all over the country as the hunger for human flesh increases. There have even been reports of graves being robbed by cannibals who presumably believe that the theory about wine being better with age also applies to people. Charred human bones have been appearing in dumpsters in cities across the nation and the scent of cooked human meat hangs over the USA like a white sheet over a corpse waiting to be eaten. Law enforcement officials have not been attempting to curb the growing cannibalism issue for fear of being eaten. "I can handle going in to work with the mindset that I might be shot. But I can't deal with the thought of being eaten by a family inspired by talking potatoes," said Fred Harrelson, a police officer in Broward Country, FL. The US government has been issuing PSAs, announcing to the American public that the Potato Heads are not real and that their actions should not influence the food decisions that people make. They are also asking people to stay indoors and keep nonperishable, nonhuman food in their house in case the problem becomes exponentially worse. However, the government is also looking positively upon the situation as hunger rates and the population are both rapidly decreasing. Although, to keep appearances they have tried to keep their positive outlook quiet. To those of you who think the cannibalism problem is coming to an end, we at Building Rubble would like to inform you that human flesh is currently being served at soup kitchens across the nation so continue to stay indoors to defend yourselves from becoming a homeless man's dinner.

To watch the cannibalistic ad, click here.

Thanks to my good friend, Tyler Lumsden, for the idea!

Photo Source: http://www.marketmenot.com/lays-mr-and-mrs-potato-head-commercial/

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