Lay's Promotes Cannibalism

, by Building Rubble

Most of you have probably seen the Lay's potato chip ad that depicts Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head eating chips. Mr. Potato Head catches his lovely tuber of a wife chowing down on fried slices of their family and friends. He then joins her in eating his fellow veggies after they form a pact to keep their sick snack a secret. This cannibalistic activity has inspired many Americans to follow the example set by the Potato Heads. Police have been receiving reports of disappearances and kidnappings all over the country as the hunger for human flesh increases. There have even been reports of graves being robbed by cannibals who presumably believe that the theory about wine being better with age also applies to people. Charred human bones have been appearing in dumpsters in cities across the nation and the scent of cooked human meat hangs over the USA like a white sheet over a corpse waiting to be eaten. Law enforcement officials have not been attempting to curb the growing cannibalism issue for fear of being eaten. "I can handle going in to work with the mindset that I might be shot. But I can't deal with the thought of being eaten by a family inspired by talking potatoes," said Fred Harrelson, a police officer in Broward Country, FL. The US government has been issuing PSAs, announcing to the American public that the Potato Heads are not real and that their actions should not influence the food decisions that people make. They are also asking people to stay indoors and keep nonperishable, nonhuman food in their house in case the problem becomes exponentially worse. However, the government is also looking positively upon the situation as hunger rates and the population are both rapidly decreasing. Although, to keep appearances they have tried to keep their positive outlook quiet. To those of you who think the cannibalism problem is coming to an end, we at Building Rubble would like to inform you that human flesh is currently being served at soup kitchens across the nation so continue to stay indoors to defend yourselves from becoming a homeless man's dinner.

To watch the cannibalistic ad, click here.

Thanks to my good friend, Tyler Lumsden, for the idea!

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