Aquaman Revels in Temporary Usefulness

, by Building Rubble

Written by: Fiore Sarrocco

South Carolina has experienced record shattering rainfall from Hurricane Joaquin. At least ten dams have been breached causing major flooding and billions of dollars worth of damage. While South Carolinians grieve, one man is ecstatic at the opportunity to prove his worth. Adjunct Justice League member Aquaman spoke with us in Charleston. He emerged from a flooded street, holding a trident and wearing a giant grin. 

“Hey! Hey, news guys! Over here! I'm over here, saving the day!” Aquaman's cries for attention were followed by pleas for help coming from a man trapped in his car as it floated down the flooded street. 

“Shouldn't you help him?” we asked.

“Who? Him? Don't worry about him, I told some fish to take care of it. He'll be fine I'm sure. Unless you guys wanna take my picture rescuing him? That'd make a great cover story! I can see it now: "The Amazing Aquaman Saves Commuter". I bet that'd shut those jerks up at the JLA!” 

We were unable to get a picture of Aquaman saving anything, but we did get a few statements from his colleagues at The Justice League. Superman said, while fighting back a snicker “Aquaman has always been a vital part of The Justice League team.” ­“I think this is good for him. He's spent the last decade a glorified janitor, cleaning up various oil spills. It's been really getting to him lately," responded ­The Green Lantern. “What the f**k is an Aquaman?” asked ­Batman.

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