NASCAR Becomes More Relatable

, by Unknown

Who doesn't love watching high-powered cars rocket around an oval for three hours every weekend? Most people. This fact has severely limited the fan base of the "sport". The leaders of NASCAR realized that they would get more viewers if they made the "sport" more relatable. They launched a study in which researchers followed the typical American through their daily lives for about one month. The results showed that people spend a large amount of their time being annoyed while driving. Since this activity involves cars and NASCAR is all about cars, the heads of NASCAR decided to combine the two. At each race, a wrecked car is placed in the middle of the track and the racers have to wait for it to be cleared in a simulated traffic jam. As the wrecked car is moved far enough to the side for one car to pass at a time, each driver passes it while moving at ten miles per hour and rubber necking towards the wreck to get a good view of the carnage. Once all the cars have passed the wreck and are moving at normal NASCAR speed, a school bus is released onto the track and is assigned a total of 42 stops around the outer rim of the track. This allows just enough time for one car to pass the bus legally and without getting points on their license in between stops. After the bus completes its route and moves off the track, it seems to be smooth sailing for about twenty laps at normal speed. Then, to keep it interesting, a man with a trailer overloaded with trash pulls onto the track. Drivers have to dodge the broken refrigerators, scraps of wood, and hunks of metal that fly off of the trailer and crash into the track. Every time a car gets destroyed during this part of the race, it is hauled off of the track and used as the wrecked car in the beginning of the next race. Once the man on his way to the dump removes his overflowing trailer from the track, the racers speed up and maintain normal racing speed until they get to the very last lap. At this point, a deer is allowed to run to the middle of the track and stare, unmoving at the cars as they rapidly approach. The driver in the front swerves around the animal, overcorrects, and slams into the wall, ultimately causing a 43 car pileup to bring the race to a close. NASCAR says that ratings have vastly improved since the changes have been implemented and is asking viewers to send in their own ideas about how to make the drivers' jobs more of a living Hell while on the track.

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