Lives for Leaves

In a fast-growing new craze, tree huggers are donating their bodies to a new company called Lives for Leaves. This organization takes the bodies of deceased environmentalists and turns them into a fertilizer to help underprivileged trees in bad neighborhoods grow and develop. Recently, it has come to the attention of the founders of the company that their fleshy fertilizer is actually killing the trees it is used on. Baffled, they hired a still-living environmentalist to analyze their product to determine the cause of this devastating loss of foliage. When conducting his study, the environmentalist took samples from a fertilizer made from the body of a conservationist and from a fertilizer made from a lumberjack. His study showed that the compost from the tree hugger contained an alarmingly high amount of hot air and lack of purpose. The researcher was incredibly offended by his own findings and stormed off before we were able to hear his opinion on the matter. However, we were able to locate a copy of his notes amongst the files he left behind. An excerpt reads, “The shear lack of self-worth being injected into these trees by the fertilizer is causing an extreme form of depression in the plants, especially the junipers; historically known for their low self-esteem.” The common belief at the moment is that the trees are purposefully dying to try to provide their nutrients to the lesser life forms around them. This information is not surprising since this exactly the mindset of the environmentalists donating their bodies to Lives for Leaves.

Photo Source: http://www.chaplingonet.com/trees-over-property-lines-in-virginia/