In an unprecedented event, four candidates running for Senate in the upcoming election have decided to host a tag team wrestling match that will be available on pay-per-view for all of us to watch. The country will grind to a halt as millions of people, in true American fashion, tune in to their Japanese TVs while eating their Chinese takeout after driving home in their German car from their job that's just waiting to be outsourced to Mexico. By donating just $49.95 to already well-funded campaigns, undecided voters can watch as four old, gray-haired, white men suplex each other off of tables, chairs, and ropes. People lucky enough to actually attend the event will be given ballots to fill out as blood capsules burst and red dye rains down upon them, soaking their designer jeans. Throughout the event, telephone numbers will be placed on-screen so that at-home viewers can call in to vote for the candidate they believe is going to win. At the end of the night, the votes will be tallied and thrown into the garbage as the winner of the match will be crowned the victor, no matter the outcome of the voting. Be sure to tune in tomorrow, November 4th, at 8 pm to watch this moment in history unfold.
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