Astronomy Student Spots Big Dipper

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An astronomy student using a telescope summoned his instructor on Wednesday night to show the instructor that he had found the Big Dipper. The instructor looked through the eyepiece and was completely thrown. Instead of seeing the well-known constellation the student spoke of, the instructor saw that the telescope had been focused on a rather large man chewing tobacco. Carrying a Gatorade bottle half-full of thick, brown spit, wearing a camouflage hat with a fish hook on the brim, and sporting a hair cut known as the “Grizzly Long Cut” the alleged “Big Dipper” was minding his own business while strolling through campus, unaware of the fact that he was being given the honor of becoming a constellation. The tobacco chewer was unavailable for comment on the matter due to the fact that every time an interviewer tried to step near the dipper, his shoes were immediately coated in a dark brown liquid.

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