Words Without Friends

Everyone is familiar with the popular smartphone word game, Words With Friends. If you're not, come out from your cave and educate yourself. For you cave dwellers, Words With Friends is basically Scrabble that you play on your phone with your friends online. This game is pretty entertaining for people with a vocabulary, fingers, and friends, but what about the social outcasts? This is where a new app, Words Without Friends, comes into play. Words Without Friends is basically the same game as Words With Friends except it doesn't require you to have socialized with anyone ever. Users log into the game, while sitting on a bean bag chair in their mother's basement eating Cheetos, and click "Start" to get the ball rolling. At first, most of the game's users are nervous about having to interact with someone with a pulse, but they are soon reassured when automated text scrolls across the screen to greet them. The user then plays a word, just as they would in Words With Friends, and then the computer uses complex algorithms to play the absolute best word possible. Obviously this leads to the user ultimately getting beaten like a blind quadriplegic UFC fighter with Care Bears for gloves. After totally dominating the game, the computer then reminds the player that the world is a cold and scary place by demeaning them with hurtful phrases and racial slurs. This further deters the user from venturing beyond the embroidered pillows and overflowing litter boxes in their mother's homes to try to meet a real human being. This sounds like a perfect plan: making a game only for people without friends and then scaring them away from ever making any friends. However, there has only been a couple dozen downloads since the release of the game. "No one without friends has any need for a phone in the first place. Who are they going to call? The market just isn't there," says mobile game analyst, Charles Brighton. Aside from the fact that the friendless don't have phones to begin with, there is also no word-of-mouth advertising of the game. This is due to the fact that, no matter how loud one of the game's users screams that they love the game, the only things that will hear them are the walls of the basement and the stacks of uncompleted home schooling courses. The game's developer is currently at a loss for ways to help the game stay afloat and is sending emails to the game's players asking for suggestions. None of the emails have received a response yet, due to the users' intense fear of social interaction whether in person or through a screen. To try to offset the losses taken from making Words Without Friends, the developer has announced an idea for a game called Words With Acquaintances. This app will be for people to play a word game with someone who they don't want getting the wrong idea about what level their relationship has reached. If you have anyone that you want to play games with, but who you don't want getting too chummy, then be on the lookout for Words With Acquaintances, coming to a coworker's phone near you.

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